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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Chez Pim's Guide to an Escapist Thanksgiving

Alaina this morning offers A Full Belly's Thanksgiving Guide full of helpful links to online resources to make your Thanksgiving a successful one. But Alaina -sweet as she is- overlooks one scenario: the one with us seething, vengeful, big city dwelling, bleeding heart liberals sticking it to our good ol' family back in the red states. So, I am obliged to step in with Chez Pim's own helpful guide.

Chez Pim's Guide to an Escapist Thanksgiving

I know you are still reeling with nausea and dripping blood from recent events. And -as if salt is now being rubbed on the wound- there is the impending long Thanksgiving weekend to be spent with your Republican family back home in the good ol' red states. And all you could think of is fuck the South, let alone be thankful for anything. Yes, the thought of your gun-toting/mustachioed/beer-bellied brother-in-law gloating incessantly would scare the beejeezuz out of me too. I feel for you, friends.

Let me offer you my meager advice. Don't. Don't go. Don't have Thanksgiving with your red family. Stick it to them. Go somewhere else.

There is a plethora of choice for every budget. If you are close to the civilized border of Canada or -better yet- Mexico, go there. Drive over the border and hang out for the weekend. Spend as much money as you could afford on beer (or Margarita, as appropriate) and any debauchery of your choice -it might all be outlawed over here soon, you know.

To really stick it to them, though, you must go spend your Thanksgiving weekend with the Frenchies. That's what Matt, Lynn and I will be doing, we are going to hang out in Paris for a few days. Speaking Freedom, eating Freedom food, drinking Freedom wine, kissing Freedom boys and girls, that's like flipping a metaphorical bird at your entire red family. What fun!

If you can't afford a trip overseas, step inside another country's embassy or consulate and stay in there until Thanksgiving is over -that's considered their sovereign land, you know. I bet you your neighborhood Swedish consulate will let you come over and pitch a tent in their yard for the weekend. They are very understanding about these things, the Swedes -after all, they are so free even you-know-who won't attack them.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, and Gods help us all.

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Pim writes : Let me offer you my meager advice. Don't. Don't go. Don't have Thanksgiving with your red family. Stick it to them. Go somewhere else ........ Pretty nice guide to this year's thanksgiving. Read Chez Pim's guide.... [Read More]

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