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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Top Chef: this is not a recap.


No, no, I'm not trying to be ironic or anything. This really is not a recap for the Top Chef episode that just ran last night. Why not, you asked? Well, I just could not be arsed to, frankly. Plus, there's no way I can do as good a job as the Socialite's Life did on Project Runway -now that's a recap and they should seriously do one for Top Chef!

So –I mean it- this is not a recap, I'm merely opining. I felt the need to, well, because Little Miss Betty really should have been out on her fanny this week. She cheated -admitted to it even- but was somehow allowed to stay. This is an outrage, ok, not Alan Richman Goes To New Orleans outrage, but still. (I see Adam agrees with me.)

Well, I should tell you I'm not a fan of Miss Betty to begin with. Her nicey nice smile –and that weird singing and swaying act she pulled while selling her ice cream last week- kinda scared the living daylight out of me. Betty smiles, people go oooh she's n-y-c-e, and me, me go hide behind the couch. Not to mention, of course, that tiny red halter number she got on in the photo and in the first couple episodes. Betty, dear, put the dress down. Step away from the dress. Slowly now...Oh, right, and double-you-tee-eff was her Fromage Frittata Chiffonnade? She took three words and two languages to make absolutely no sense whatsoever - and the dish looked rather icky on top of it all. Just stick with the badabang, Betty, stick with the badabang.

Her arch nemesis doesn’t bother me nearly as much. Yeah that know-it-all Marcel is arrogant. But, he's, like, twenty-five or something, no? Weren't you too an arrogant arse when you were twenty-five? I know I was. The bottom line is, he's a kid. He works in a good kitchen, so of course he thinks he knows it all. I couldn't help wondering though, since he kept going on about being so good at Molecular Gastronomy, what he's doing working for Joël Robuchon? Oh, by the way, this might be news to you Marcel, but Molecular Gastronomy, elle n'existe pas!

But on the whole, this season looks quite a bit better than the last. Padma is a marked improvement on last year's fembot of a host they got. She is also way prettier, and she seems to have more fun with it. She is just all around better -that the Satanic Verses is also much cooler in my book than Uptown Girl not withstanding, even. I so hope that they keep her so we don't have to move on to Arielle Dombasle next year!

Some of the food on the show this year looks surprisingly good and polished –although all but one or two of the contestants tonight were not quite in on the concept of amuse-bouche. An amuse bouche is supposed to be bite-size, the stuff they made on the show looked bite-size alright, if we're talking Godzilla's mouth!

What's up with that Mike dude, by the way? He so should have been kicked out last week for that sloppy steak sandwich. Who mess up a steak sandwich? And then top it off with this week's phallic-excuse of an amuse-bouche? Stick him in a paper bag and give dude a kitchen knife, he'd still be in it a week later.

I hope the producers give up their weird fascination with crappy food soon though. Seriously, what top chef cooks out of a vending machine? (An Iron Chef, on the other hand...)

Oh, right, and while I'm at it, where is my Gail? I've heard lots from Tom, but hardly more than a thing or two from Gail. Give her more airtime. She's got spunk. She's got opinions. She once worked for Jeffrey Steingarten -and survived- for goodness sake. Give her more airtime!

P.S. If you want to hear what sour grape sounds like, you might want to pop over to Chow and listen in on the podcast interview with Emily. Now that girl is misguided –ok, not Marisa Thinks She's So Pretty misguided, but nonetheless. And oh man she's mean too! That's not to say she wasn't robbed last week -Mikey absolutely should've gone home in her place- but someone who has cooked highfalutin food for years like she has should have known not to over-salt a dish to the point of being completely inedible.

Stay tune for next week's show, where the chefs will be asked to cook a twenty course tasting menu with only the ingredients found inside the cages Kate and Sawyer have been locked up in......

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